Good things to know from a motivational speaker in Raleigh NC.

FireStar Speaking

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Dear Allynn,

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I’m so glad our paths crossed and I hope they do so again soon!

10 Tips for Dealing with Crazy People Who Don’t Accept Change as Gracefully as You Do

Sometimes we all feel that people who don’t think like we do are crazy. They just don’t seem to get it! Well here are some tips for trying to deal with them:

1. Try to listen more if you are an extrovert (you get your energy from being around people). Try to talk more if you are an introvert (you get your energy from spending time alone).

2. Keep an open mind. You might not always be right. (I know, it’s a long shot, but….)

3. Take responsibility for yourself. (You can’t control them-only you.) Know when they are really too difficult to work with – not everyone is someone you want to spend a lot of time with.

4. Try empathy – they really might be going through something horrible and their insanity is only temporary.

5. Treat others with respect. (The Golden Rule) We often get back what we give out.

6. Always praise good work – a sincere compliment costs you nothing and goes a long way. Sometimes this goes a long way in helping a person become less crazy.

7. Be patient – some people can’t grasp concepts and ideas as quickly as you can.

8. Consider a different method of communication – texting and e-mail are easy to miscommunicate with. Try the phone. Better yet, consider a face-to-face conversation. (Just make sure they wear their straight jacket.)

9. Give other people a break; they may not be as excited, as sweet, as smart, or as perfect as you. And the day may come when you’re not as excited, as sweet, as smart or as perfect as they are.

10. Give yourself a break – all you can do is be yourself and do your best. You won’t get along with everyone, and that’s okay.

5 Tips for Keeping Your Cool No Matter What
1. Take a deep breath. Before you do anything, take a breath as deep as you can. This will keep you from responding immediately. When we’re upset, our immediate response is usually not our best response. There is a lot of power in pausing.

2. Make sure this is your fight/issue. Sometimes we may feel strongly about something, but it really isn’t our fight. Ask yourself – is this going to impact me in a significant way? If the answer is no, let it go.

3. Don’t let yourself get too hungry, tired or overburdened. Let’s face it, if you are exhausted or starving or stressed out, you’re a ticking bomb. Forget about keeping your cool, now you have to worry about staying out of jail!

4. Talk slowly and calmly and keep your voice low. Sometimes this is all I can do. I want to scream, but faking calm seems to calm me down. I also don’t want to look like the crazy person I really am.

5. Allow more time for everything. When I am in a mad rush, everything sets me off – the blockhead who is driving the speed limit on the highway, the madwoman searching for change in the bottom of her purse, and don’t get me started on TSA agents! But when I have plenty of time, I don’t even notice these things. I can joke with people who I would consider killing if I had less time.

Bonus – think of something you are grateful for – your health, your kids, your freedom – gratitude changes your mindset instantly.

Hope you enjoyed these! More articles and info are on my website:

Thanks for being in my audience!

Denise Ryan


P.O.V. & R.U.E Choices

I am approximately three quarters of the way through a massive editing cycle on book one, The Blood, of the The Stone’s Blade Series. I have cut almost 30 pages and 4,000 words from the ‘original’ manuscript. Still have 15 chapters to go (about 100 pages) in the process. The action is heating up in the story line and so is the POV problem. One of my questions is: How much does the reader need to know to understand what is happening? This brings up my second question and interesting choices on my part: Who’s point of view is best for what scene? I have written a couple of scenes from as many as three different POV’s and then tried to decide which is best. I am not sure all my choices are the best. However, I do know/believe that my POV is not changing every other paragraph and I am cutting out a bunch of perhaps too much explanation. I am leaving it up to the reader to figure out how/why some characters behave the way they do. I am not delving into each and every character’s thoughts or reasonings or backgrounds to explain. I am learning to leave much of that on the cutting room floor. I am praying this is making the story better so you will enjoy it more. But sometimes I’d really like to know exactly how much you need to know. I know you may want to know more but I do have to get on with the story and I have to learn to be heartless and mean and not explain every thing. Enough of a short rant on POV and Resisting the Urge to Explain (R.U.E. for writers or anyone thinking about becoming a writer), I do have to get back to editing.

Beginnings – part two

After a favorable response from Southwest Writers Conference I considered the real possibility that The Stone’s Blade was publishable. I worked hard to finish the full manuscript. What was once a stand alone piece became a series after my daughter, Kristina, read it at my request. I felt that there was something missing or something more that could be done but I couldn’t quite figure it out. Her simple comments opened up a completely new batch of ideas and transformed the story line. 

Now I had so much I could do and the side and back stories are fascinating. Of course to integrate her ideas I had to revisit the manuscript and make innumerable changes. All of which were fun and I then rushed to bring about the conclusion of the first book, now titled, The Blood. I gave this “new” manuscript to Kristina to read and she informed me that I had rushed through the last three chapters and had to go back and rewrite them. That was completed almost three years ago and I started sending it out to agents. I spent the better part of two and a half years working on query letters, brief synopses, and researching agents. Most of these queries seemed to disappear into a black hole of no responses. A very few came back with standard “not interested” comments or “not accepting any new authors”. I finally located one who seemed to be perfect. According to her website she wanted a science fiction/fantasy with a romantic element. I spent six weeks researching her and writing/rewriting what I thought would be the perfect cover letter for my submission. What did I get back? “Sorry, I don’t work in that genre.” I checked her website and my submission several times to try and figure out where I went wrong.

After a few weeks fuming I decided that I would publish it myself. At least then I could share a few copies with family and friends. What was interesting was that as soon as I decided to self publish things changed; that was just over one year ago.

Since then I have joined Colorado Independent Publishers Association ( and connected with an amazing group of intelligent and supportive people. I now have an editor who is coaching me through editing this first manuscript so those that come after it will be better. I have a book cover designer who is excited about the story series and has great ideas. I am so fortunate to be where I am today.

At this time I am about half way through the editing process (for the fifth and what feels like the most intense time). If any one thinks that editing is a one time deal they’ve got their head buried. I am learning so much and actually enjoying it!  

I must do justice to the characters who have stayed with me over the years by bringing their story to life. To make this the best possible effort, I will continue to work and write and learn about this entire process. I am hoping The Stone’s Blade: the Blood will be published by the end of 2013.

A Long Time Coming

In the beginning there was a short story. Yep, that’s how The Stone’s Blade got its start. In some ways the scary part is that I wrote the short story when I was fourteen. In hindsight, the fact the characters of Anyala, Kela and Renloret have never left me alone–for very long at least. My eighth grade English teacher told me I had some talent and I should think about doing more writing. I’m going to have to find my grade reports from back then to find out exactly who that teacher was. I just remember being told I might have a talent for writing.

The characters have visited me off and on over the years. I was introduced to the character of Taryn in college when the short story became a possible novel and General Stubin Dalkey got his name while on a writing retreat in late 1990’s. That was a great conversation with fellow writer Chris Richards in a cabin at my brother’s bed & breakfast lodge (Mount Elbert Lodge, outside of Twin Lakes, Colorado). Perhaps I will explain the origins of some character names in another post.

The characters have often not bothered me for years, particularly when my children were small and needed focused attention. By the mid 1990’s they started appearing in dreams, reminding me of their existence and that I should pay attention to their needs not just my family’s. I took the first chapters to The Southwest Writers Conferences in Albuquerque and was met with positive reactions. I began to think I might be able to get it published.

Lessons from NaNoWriMo 2012

November is National Novel Writing Month and 2012 was my first NaNoWriMo experience. Since I had just handed off my first novel to an editor/writing coach and my beta readers for that were clamoring for book two, I needed incentive to get started on the requested sequel. While I waited to hear from the editor on what is now book one I thought I should see what the second title might look like. The entire process of NaNoWriMo, just writing at an all out pace, was so different from the very long process book one had taken (check out Beginnings, part two). Fifty thousand words in thrity days seems like a lot. IT IS. The suggested average number of words to write each day was 1,667. While that sounded reasonable there were days when my word count was either zero or less than 500. There were days when I wrote 4,000. However it was through this dash just to get words down that I discovered several things. First, in the effort to meet word counts I settled on writing individual scenes rather than write the story ‘from beginning to end’. This freed up my imagination in unexpected ways. Second, I realized the possibility that The Stone’s Blade was more than just a trilogy, and the storyline solidified the need for an open-ended series(side stories, background stories, etc are all possible – IF I want to do them). More surprising to me was that while madly writing scenes to be used in book two, some minor characters (barely mentioned in book one) popped up again in some very exciting and unexpected ways. I am still amazed that somehow plot hints/twists, characters, etc. were already in book one without my consciously having written them. Each has become vital in book two. A new character actually shocked me when she made her appearance in this draft of book two. By just smashing out scenes with a tight time line, no restraints on whether or not a scene will work or actually be used or really caring about the specifics, I have truly let the characters tell me what to write. It has been a freeing experience. I now have more ‘story’ to work with while I am in a semi-editing phase. There are many more scenes to write to smooth out transitions and develop characters and subplots. Overall, NaNoWriMo was exhilarating and I plan on competing in 2013 – two possibilities offer themselves as starting points – book three of The Stone’s Blade series or a stand alone title which came to me in a dream (no kidding!). I am planning to have book one, The Stone’s Blade: The Blood, published by the end of the year (2013) and book two, thanks to NaNoWriMo, to the editor by October 31st so I can be moving forward when November 1st dawns.


Almost one year ago I went to coffee with my daughter and a friend of hers and that was the beginning of my “getting off the beach”. February 2012 was a turning point and I get to blame my middle daughter, Kristina and her underhanded methods to pass on the manuscript for The Stone’s Blade: The Blood to Liz Beerman, who was then on the Board of Directors for the Colorado Independent Publishers Association. The coffee date happened in a rather convoluted route. Kristina was introduced to Liz Beerman at a ‘women authors’ book discussion group prior to Christmas 2011. It was there Liz presented her recently published book Beached for the group to discuss and purchase. Kristina was fascinated and encouraged by the topic Beached covered. Essentially getting back in the swim when life leaves you beached. Kristina purchased several copies as gifts for specific people she thought were stuck or ‘beached’ and were in need of direction to get back to living their lives or just move on to the next moment – including me. More about that on a personal level later. Evidently in the discussion time after the book presentation Kristina mentioned that her mother (me) was writing/had written a book and was frustrated by the submission black hole. Now, Kristina knows the story line of The Stone’s Blade as she is my first beta reader and I ran options through her whenever I got blocked or things weren’t quite working the way I thought they should. So it was on Kristina’s enthusiasm that Liz requested a chance to read the manuscript.

When Kristina came home she only talked about Liz and her book. A few days later my dear daughter asked me to send her the complete manuscript so she could read the entire piece as I had rewritten the last three chapters since her last reading. Unbeknown to me Kristina did not even open the attachment but sent it directly to Liz. When Liz finished, she told Kristina she had to talk with me about the manuscript. It was at this point that Kristina fessed up and demanded that I find the time to have coffee and a discussion with Liz. At this time I was working as an assistant office manager for a CPA firm and it was early February – a rather busy time and it was only going to get busier. I get pretty stressed out for the first four months of every year but this was an opportunity I could not waste so I said yes.

Imagine my surprise when Liz said she loved the story and believed in the characters. This was not a member of my family or even a close friend who was positive about my efforts. Liz had no ulterior motives/familial responsibilities to like the story. I was speechless. Liz asked me if I thought it was ready for the next step. I explained that I could edit for the next 50 years and it would not be ready but that I also knew that I could not edit it anymore. I had started sending it out to agents to no avail. It felt like there was a black hole sucking it away with zero response. I’m not sure the agents even opened the e-mails let alone looked at the cover letter or first pages they had requested. I did get one response in the almost two years of attempts. I really thought that this agent was a good match as her website stated she was looking for a new author with a science fiction/ fantasy having a hint of romance in the story line. I read up on her and the works she had successfully gotten published then worked for six weeks to craft the best cover letter possible. What I received in return was a criptic “I don’t work in that genre”. I went back to check her website and the request for scifi/fantasy with a romantic flavor was still there. Where did I go wrong? I don’t know but I got angry and decided that since no agent wanted it I was going to figure out a way to publish it myself. Liz was delighted with my desire to have it published and asked pertenent questions such as who was my audience, 14 and up, and why did I want to publish it. While I have no illusions of making millions or being on the best sellers list, I do want people to read, to get to know these characters and participate in their stories. With that in mind Liz invited me to attend the next Colorado Independent Publishers Association ( meeting the following week.

The meeting offered chances to listen, learn, absorb, and network. I was hooked. Over the next few months I found editors and writing coaches, graphic designers, photographers, book cover designers, and so much more. This organization continues to amaze. I am grateful for the impertenance of Kristina and the encouragement of Liz.

At this point the manuscript is in the hands of Melanie Mulhall at Dragonheart Writing and Editing for content and storyline edits – after two months of directed coaching to do more self editing of the manuscript because Melanie thought I was capable of doing it once I knew what to look for. What an amazing learning prossess that has been! The cover design is coming together within the imagination and talents of Nathan Fisher with Scifi Book Cover Designer. I can hardly wait to see what he has to offer. Both of these individuals have responded positively to the story and see the possibilities of more than just a trilogy (sometimes I am just overwhelmed and still cannot believe that peoople outside my direct family actually like this). The plan is that publication will take place later in 2013. I’ll let you know the release date when I know. Still a lot of work to get done. Writing and publishing a good book is not an overnight event. To do it correctly and well takes time. It will be worth it, I promise.

Now for the personal connection with Liz’s book. I am reading it again, one year after I received it and I see new things. I now realize that even though I had a job at this time last year I was indeed stuck or beached, unsure of where to go or what I wanted to do or even how to get out of the job I’d had for almost eleven years. At the end of May 2012 I sat down with my boss and the office manager to discuss my future. By then I had the confidence to state that I did not want to go through another deadline (in September) and knew that August would be the perfect time to train someone to take my position. I want to thank the entire office for supporting my decision. My last day was August 31, 2012. My new life began on September 1, 2012. I sleep better, am relaxed, and am happier with myself than I’ve been in years. That’s an important point – happier with myself. My family is happier as well because I am not stressed out – I evidently look younger, too which is not a bad trade off for changing careers. I wake up every morning excited about writing, excited about the future.

By ‘connecting deliberately’ with Liz Beerman and the people at CIPA and by ‘rethinking my way’ in leaving my job to do what I love to do, I am no longer stranded on a beach but joyfully diving in and out of the waves. You need to read her book.

You can contact Liz Beerman at and order your copy of Beached: Get back in the swim when receding tides leave you high and dry by L.R. Beerman.

Melanie Mulhall can be contacted at or check out her blog at

Nathan Fisher can be contacted at

Check out the Colorado Independent Publishers Association at

Just Kill the Puppy!

Again, essay written a number of years ago but the idea still holds true.


            At my first writer’s conference I participated in a First Chapters class with Paris Bonds.  We read aloud the first chapter of our stories then discussed our impressions of each.  When the first reader’s kidnappers killed the family dog the entire room protested; “Don’t kill the dog!”  He had two reasons for killing the dog; 1) to show the American reader that pets are perceived differently in other regions and, 2) to make sure the reader really disliked, even hated the villain.  He succeeded.

            After reading my piece I was asked what was so disagreeable about my antagonist.  I didn’t have a tangible reason, so my story lacked a real villain and the character was flat, though he had potential.  At the time I couldn’t come up with a way to make him really disagreeable but I promised to work on it.

            Several readings later a female protagonist listened over the phone as her abusive boyfriend broke her puppy’s legs one at a time (we squirmed at the excruciatingly clear details).  Though a bit much, it illustrated the point that abhorrent actions or words by your antagonist made it difficult to like him/her.  Much discussion was held on finding plausible reason for each story’s conflict.  We don’t need to “kill the puppy” in everything we write; however, if you don’t have a good reason for conflict your characters and story have no motivation to improve, excel, overcome, etc.

            The last reading had us all confused about which character was which.  We wanted something solid to base our decision on and there was nothing.  One participant finally stated emphatically, “Just kill the puppy!”  We all laughed but we wanted to know who the bad guy was and get on with the story.

            All this made an impression as I struggled to find a motivation for my protagonist to hate the bad guy – without killing her dog.  I questioned whether I could come up with something that strong – until I was on my way home.

            A fellow conference attendee Chris rode with me and took notes as we discussed the various sessions we attended.  Somewhere outside of Raton, as we bantered ideas about my problem I hit and killed a coyote.  It was obviously young, perhaps 5 to 6 months old – still a puppy.  I was very upset by this incident – though if I’d tried harder to dodge it at 75+ mph I would have rolled the car and injured or killed the both of us.

            As the adrenaline seeped away I began laughing.  Chris thought I’d really lost it until I said, “I just killed the puppy!”  Even though I felt awful about it, the point was driven straight through my fender and pocketbook.  I had to find reason for conflict in my story or I might end up killing more coyotes.  Several weeks later, almost $1,000 poorer, I picked up my mended vehicle, and came up with a reason.  It has helped flesh out the plot and given new life to the characters and the story.

            As writers, we need to create believable characters; characters that have depth, with conflicts, doubt, and wills of their own.  If two characters are supposed to dislike each other then we have to know the reason – and it’s got to be reasonable or, at least, understandable to the reader.  We don’t have to kill puppies, but we do have to look at our story’s society and decide what actions or behaviors would be considered abhorrent enough to cause a clash between the characters.  Then, we decide if an explanation is needed to clarify why it is abhorrent to the protagonist.  For example, if your society was botanically sensitive, you could have the antagonist cut flowers and openly display them in defiance of the story’s cultural standards.

            Being sensitive to your reader’s reactions, too, will help you discover how bad your bad guy is, such as the dog getting killed in the first story of the First Chapters seminar.  If we had all been raised in a social structure that did not place pets, especially dogs, so close to our heart, we would not have reacted quite so sourly to the dog’s demise.  But, the author got the reaction he was looking for and it carried his story forward.

            So the next time your story or character seems a bit flat what can you do?  Have your antagonist send a bouquet of posies to your heroine, crash an ax through the casket at a funeral, shout where silence is revered.  But, don’t forget your villain must have a logical reason for doing so and it must fit in the story.  Also, the conflict should move the story along and provide a basis for the characters interactions.  Your hero doesn’t always have to solve the conflict.  Real life is not like that and our stories don’t always have nice clean happy endings.

            Though I wish I hadn’t hit the coyote I will never forget to find the motivation for my characters to move through their stories and readers to continue turning the pages.